Daily, Once a Week... Who's Counting?

Just don't toss me in there with the burgeoning class of world-weary American husbands, whose failure to perform their matrimonial duty - say, more than once a week, according to Gladys and Inez at Pan American Laundry - has condemned us both to a Republican majority AND Desperate Housewives. Think about it - why else would an otherwise sensible woman vote DeLay?

Guys, get with the program; love your women... Biblically! Even The Hammer would approve.

Of course, ol' Tom is probably fuming over the Senate compromise preserving the minority's right to filibuster judicial nominations, a deal which, sadly, ended that chamber's struggle to debate no meaningful legislation before Memorial Day. Alas, no one tells John McCain what to do, not the VietCong and certainly not Bill Frist. Well, okay, maybe George Bush (43 vintage), but that's only because he can help with the '08 presidential race. Maybe. Otherwise, McCain's one independent motherfucker.

So let's toast the "extraordinary circumstances" under which the Democrats may someday filibuster without fear of Republican retribution. My money's on next week. That's when they'll discover that John Bolton (our UN ambassador-designate), among his numerous unappealing personal traits, has yellow-cake uranium concealed in the wirey spindles of his mustache! Oh, the conflict! Somehow, I suspect we haven't heard the last of the so-called nucuelar option.

But still, kudos go to the maverick moderates, whose compromise language evinced some really new thinking on the notion of "last resort" in American legislative circles. Now the Democrats will have little recourse when, under normal circumstances, they wish simply to be dicks. For that, conservatives everywhere should be very pleased indeed.

Coming soon... Original ideas!